Children Arrangements

Working out arrangements for children is one of the most important and often the most emotionally challenging part of separation or divorce.

When parents separate, decisions need to be made about where children will live, how they will spend time with each parent, and how everyday parenting will work moving forward. These conversations often take place at a time of strong emotions, uncertainty, and change.

Child arrangements mediation provides a calm, supportive space to work through these decisions together, with the guidance of an experienced and impartial family mediator.

Following separation, it is common for parents to have different views about what arrangements are best for their children. Communication may have broken down, trust may feel fragile, and discussions can quickly become difficult.

Mediation helps slow things down. It allows each parent to express their thoughts, concerns, and feelings, and - just as importantly - to feel heard and acknowledged. This can be the first step towards rebuilding a workable co-parenting relationship, even when the adult relationship has ended.

You may not agree on everything, but as parents you remain connected through your children. Mediation supports you in finding ways to continue parenting together with respect and focus.

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Child-focused support

The mediator supports both parents equally, keeping discussions focused on what best supports your children.

Calm Discussions

Conversations are guided calmly and respectfully, helping parents speak openly and reduce conflict around sensitive parenting decisions.

Clear Arrangements

Sessions are guided to help you agree practical, workable arrangements, which can be recorded in a clear Parenting Plan.

Child arrangements look different for every family. Mediation helps parents create practical plans focused on what works best for the children, including:

Where the children will live
How and when they will spend time with each parent
School term and holiday arrangements
Arrangements for special occasions
How parents will communicate about the children’s welfare
How information about school, health, and wellbeing is shared
Child maintenance and financial arrangements for children

Child Maintenance and the Child Maintenance Service (CMS)

Mediation provides a calm, neutral space for parents to discuss child maintenance and explore fair arrangements. The Child Maintenance Service (CMS) calculator can be used as a reference, with many families preferring to make their own arrangements without ongoing CMS involvement, allowing greater flexibility and cooperation. Mediators do not give financial advice but can explain options and support constructive discussions.

Child-Inclusive Mediation (CIM)

For children aged around 10 and over, Child-Inclusive Mediation (CIM) may offer a way for their views to be heard. A specially trained mediator meets with the child separately and, with consent, shares key themes with parents to inform discussions. CIM only takes place where both parents agree, the child wishes to take part, and it is considered appropriate and beneficial. Many parents find this a valuable way of ensuring their child feels heard, without placing responsibility for making decisions on them.

Parenting Plans

Parenting arrangements can also be captured in a clear written Parenting Plan, which many parents find helpful as a shared reference moving forward. Using mediation to create a parenting plan is often less upsetting for children. It helps you plan for your and your children’s future. Agreements can be reviewed and changed by mutual consent - for example, as circumstances change or as children grow older and their needs evolve.

Separation can be confusing and upsetting for children. Moving from one home to two, adjusting to new routines, and sensing tension between parents can all take their toll. Children can sometimes feel caught in the middle.
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Mediation helps reduce this pressure by supporting parents to communicate directly and make clear, consistent arrangements that allow children to get on with being children. The focus throughout child arrangements mediation is always on what best supports your child’s wellbeing, stability, and sense of security.

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How long does mediation take?

Mediation may be helpful if:

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The table below outlines some of the key differences between mediation and court.

Cost
Time to Resolve
Personal Information
Emotional Conflict
Relationship Impact
Who decides your future
Role of the court

Mediation

Cost

£1,000–£3,000 per person

Time to Resolve

Often weeks

Personal Information

Shared with a small, agreed group

Emotional Conflict

Lower conflict

Relationship impact

Supports communication

Who decides your future

You decide together

Role of the court

Judge formally approves the agreement

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Court

Cost

£15,000–£30,000+ per person*

Time to Resolve

Often many months or longer

Personal Information

Shared with multiple professionals

Emotional Conflict

High conflict

Relationship impact

Often escalates conflict

Who decides your future

A judge decides

Role of the court

Judge directs and decides the outcome

*Indicative UK averages based on guidance from the Family Mediation Council, MoneyHelper, and published UK family law cost information. Figures reflect typical low-conflict cases and exclude complex litigation.

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Supporting parents through a difficult time

What happens in mediation?

Child-focused support

Calm Discussions

Clear Arrangements

What mediation can help you agree on

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