What Happens If My Ex Refuses Mediation?

You may have decided that you would like to try family mediation, but there is one rather significant problem: your ex-partner doesn’t want to take part.

So, what happens now?

The first thing to know is that you are not stuck.

Family mediation is voluntary. Nobody can be forced to mediate and both people need to be willing to take part for mediation to go ahead. However, if your ex-partner decides not to engage, this does not prevent you from taking the next steps.

Start with your own MIAM

If you are considering family mediation, your first step is to attend your own Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM).

A MIAM is an individual and confidential meeting with a family mediator. It gives you an opportunity to explain what is happening, understand how mediation works and explore the different options that may be available to you and your family.

It is important to remember that attending a MIAM does not commit you to mediation.

Where appropriate, following your MIAM, we can invite your ex-partner to attend their own individual MIAM.

This gives them an opportunity to understand the process for themselves, ask their own questions and consider whether mediation might be something they are willing to try.

What happens when my ex-partner is invited?

There are a few different ways things can progress after an invitation to attend a MIAM has been sent.

They may not respond.

Sometimes we simply don’t hear back. If your ex-partner does not respond to the invitation, mediation cannot move forward without their participation. Where appropriate, we can issue the relevant MIAM Certificate so that you can consider your next steps, including making an application to the Family Court if necessary.

They may tell us they don’t want to mediate.

Your ex-partner may respond but make it clear that they do not wish to take part.

Again, mediation is voluntary and we cannot require somebody to participate. Their decision does not, however, prevent you from moving forward. Where appropriate, a MIAM Certificate can be issued to enable you to take the next relevant steps.

They may attend their MIAM but decide mediation isn’t for them.

Sometimes somebody is willing to attend their individual MIAM and find out more about the process, but afterwards decides that they do not want to proceed to mediation.

Attending a MIAM does not oblige either person to mediate. If one person decides not to proceed, mediation will not take place and the other options available to you can then be considered.

They may decide to give mediation a try.

It is also possible that someone who was initially reluctant to mediate changes their mind once they have had an opportunity to understand what mediation actually involves.

Their MIAM is their own private opportunity to ask questions, raise concerns and find out what the process would look like before making that decision.

If you both decide that you are willing to proceed, mediation sessions can then be arranged.

Can my ex stop me from going to court by refusing mediation?

No.

This is often an important concern for people who feel that their ex-partner may simply ignore an invitation to mediate as a way of preventing anything from moving forward.

Their decision not to engage in mediation does not mean that you are left waiting indefinitely.

If you have attended your MIAM and mediation cannot proceed because the other person does not wish to participate, where appropriate we can issue the relevant MIAM Certificate.

If you then need to make an application to the Family Court regarding child arrangements or financial matters, the certificate can form part of your application.

Does refusing mediation mean we have to go to court?

Not necessarily.

Mediation is one way of trying to resolve arrangements outside of court, but your MIAM is also an opportunity to understand the wider options available to you.

Depending on your circumstances, there may be other ways forward and these can be discussed during your MIAM.

However, if the issues cannot be resolved outside of court and you need to make a court application, your ex-partner’s refusal to mediate does not prevent you from doing so.

What if my ex says they will never mediate?

Try not to assume that an initial “no” will always remain a no.

Separation and divorce can be an incredibly difficult time. People may initially be angry, frightened, overwhelmed or simply unsure about what mediation actually involves.

An invitation to attend a MIAM is not an invitation to sit down with you and immediately start negotiating.

It is an invitation to have their own private meeting with a mediator, understand their options and make their own informed decision about whether they wish to proceed.

Sometimes the answer will still be no. Sometimes it won’t.

Either way, you will know where you stand and can consider the next appropriate step.

The important thing is that you are not stuck

It can be frustrating when you are ready to find a way forward and the other person does not appear willing to engage.

But their decision not to mediate does not stop the process altogether.

You can attend your own MIAM, understand the options available to you and, where appropriate, give your ex-partner the opportunity to do the same.

If they decide not to engage, you can then consider the next steps available to you. If a court application becomes necessary, the relevant MIAM Certificate can be issued where appropriate.

And if they do decide to give mediation a try, you have an opportunity to work towards your own arrangements rather than asking a court to make those decisions for your family.

Would you like to understand your options?

If you are separating or divorcing and are unsure whether your ex-partner will agree to mediation, you do not need to wait for them before finding out more.

You can book your own MIAM to understand the process, talk through your circumstances and explore what your next steps might look like.